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Research reveals links between partners’ early disapproval of friends and likelihood of divorce

When a couple gets married, they aren鈥檛 just connecting two people鈥攖hey鈥檙e linking two different sets of social ties and networks. This intricate social web is at the heart of Katherine Fiori, Ph.D.鈥檚 research. As chair of Adelphi鈥檚 Gordon F. Derner School of Psychology undergraduate program and associate professor of psychology, Dr. Fiori is at the forefront of scholars seeking to untangle the complications of modern relationships. 鈥淎lthough we often hear about possible problems with in-laws, we don鈥檛 usually think about how difficult it can be to get along with your partner鈥檚 friends,鈥� she said. 鈥淎cknowledging the potentially powerful role that friends and the wider social network can play in the marriage is an important鈥攁lbeit often overlooked鈥攑rocess in maintaining a healthy partnership.鈥�

Dr. Fiori refers to Modern Romance (Penguin), a 2015 book by comedian Aziz Ansari and sociologist Eric Klinenberg, as an example of the contemporary ritual of courtship. 鈥淲hen you think about courtship historically, people used to be introduced to potential partners through their friends and families, or they would meet people who lived in the same building or on the same block,鈥� she said. 鈥淚n that sense, they often already shared much of their network.鈥� Now, the isolated world of online dating compels couples to introduce two sets of unrelated friends, making the 鈥渕erging鈥� that much more challenging.

Dr. Fiori tracked a sample of 355 black and white (same-race) couples taken from the Early Years of Marriage Project over a period of 16 years, during which roughly 50 percent of couples got a divorce. She found that among white couples, husbands who disapproved of their wives鈥� friends at year one were more likely to divorce across 16 years. 鈥淭hese same husbands tended to report that their wives鈥� friends interfered in the marriage in year two, which was even more highly predictive of divorce,鈥� Dr. Fiori explained. In fact, this 鈥渋nterference variable鈥� doubled the chances of getting a divorce鈥攆or both black and white couples.

However, Dr. Fiori did not observe the same effect when women reported disapproval of their husbands鈥� friends. She reasons that this gender difference was due in part to the fact that husbands tend to rely on their wives for emotional support, whereas wives may continue to seek that same support from close friends. 鈥淗usbands might be able to more easily give up friends who their wives do not like and spend more time with her instead, reducing a source of potential marital disagreement.鈥�

How men interpret that variance also plays a significant role in driving couples apart. 鈥淲hether or not wives are actually making their marriages worse by complaining to their friends may not be relevant,鈥� Dr. Fiori noted. 鈥淚t鈥檚 the husbands鈥� perceptions of the wives鈥� interactions with friends that seem to play an intrusive and potentially detrimental role in the marriage.鈥�

In addition, the race differences uncovered in Dr. Fiori鈥檚 study show that reliance on family may play a different role in black and white couples. She believes that black couples are more likely to be 鈥渆mbedded in networks focused on family,鈥� whereas white couples tend to be 鈥渆mbedded in friend- focused networks.鈥� The family focus may actually protect black couples from the negative effects resulting from disapproval of spousal friends.

An eye to the overarching psychosocial context is fundamental to Dr. Fiori鈥檚 work. 鈥淎s a life-span developmental psychologist, I am trained to be mindful of the big picture,鈥� she said. 鈥淚 consider not only the current contexts in which individuals live, but also the past and the broader cultural and historical factors that shape people鈥檚 lives.鈥� By drawing attention to these factors鈥攚hich couples may not heed as they move through a contemporary courtship鈥� she hopes to encourage people to counteract behavior that may damage their relationships.

Dr. Fiori believes her work can also resonate deeply with Adelphi students and will be presenting her most recent research to them in her Research Methods courses. 鈥淢y recent study, in particular, highlights some of the nuances of adult relationships, which will likely appeal to my undergraduate students,鈥� she explained. 鈥淚 plan to present this research to my students as an example of a complex longitudinal study that has simple yet important real-world implications.鈥� Her research will also appear as part of the Relationship Matters podcast series produced by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

鈥淭he biggest takeaway here for married couples is that working on your marriage does not mean just focusing on your relationship with each other,鈥� Dr. Fiori concluded. 鈥淚t鈥檚 also about considering your relationships with your friends and family鈥攖hose you have in common and your own.鈥�